gayerthanjew:

i feel my american-bred sense of entitlement the most when i get annoyed that the ‘united states’ is sorted in alphabetical order on a drop down menu and not just listed at the top

(via justput2coinsuponmyeyelids)

magnezone:

don’t get it twisted like i respect bugs for being the best they can be in spite of their specific assigned flesh prisons and their ecological significance but they need to stay the fuck away from me 

(via kixxinq)

Anonymous asked: How do I make sure my gf doesn't catch me cheating on her?

alphabitches:

ok follow these simple steps:

1. pick up the trash
2. step outta ur house
3. open the trash can
4. step into the trash can

good now u r where u belong congrats!!!

placatory:

when the person you like starts dating someone else

image

(via justput2coinsuponmyeyelids)

darkbluetile:

thebrownskingirl:

You are so used to your features, you don’t know how beautiful you look to a stranger.

I can’t believe I’m even more beautiful than I think I am this is incredible where’s my modeling contract

(via embelish)

valkyriestrikeofthelashatterdome:

gotterdammerungs:

                             (x)

And then in the future, everything changes. He’s been through it all, of course-watched humanity rediscover the heavens above them, watched them begin to wonder what’s out there. He cheered with the rest of the world when they landed on the moon, cheered as if he’d found Isla de la Muerta all over again, because there was something new. New treasure, a new horizon. But then they stop going, stop exploring, and he goes back to riding tankers across the rising seas. So he’s surprised when one day he wakes up from a night with his bottle of rum (his truest companion), and hears that there’s colonies on Mars now, and they need ships to supply them. He spends the next decade crafting new identities, learning all he can to qualify for the job, and after several tries (and even more faked deaths-this immortality thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in the age of the inerasable digital self) he gets it. The ships go nearly constantly now, the needs of the terraforming project creating an unbroken line of vessels from Mars to Earth and back again. “Show me that horizon,” he whispers to himself, his personal prayer of thanksgiving, each time they leave orbit, because the worlds, the stars are in motion and it’s never the same, with nearly three years for a round trip the ports are always different, even if they keep the old names. And finally one trip something goes wrong with the reactor, they’re too low on power and have to deploy the backups, and Jack (Lucky Jack, they call him, for he survives too many things he shouldn’t but science has yet to accept that maybe some things weren’t old wives’ tales after all) goes out for the spacewalk to bring up the solar panels. And as they rise, geometric patterns black against the sun’s glare, he’s struck by a powerful sense of déjà vu, because it’s all here-wind and sails, a ship beneath his feet and stars above his head, horizon in all directions. He wonders, for a moment, if the reason he’s still here is because the universe wanted a witness, to mourn the end of one age of exploration, and rejoice in the birth of the next.

(via mspunkopera)

eccentric-disney:

wait a minute this isn’t my homework

this is tumblr

how did this happen

(via bananadeath)

untexting:

I want to have the cutest relationship with you.

(via lisacorn)

unclefather:

ibebro:

unclefather:

i’m so old

it was actually 14 years ago, you are not with math

you’re not with math either

(via lisacorn)

whatfulllipsyouhave:

meredithalden:

a public service announcement

I still don’t understand why none of my art teachers ever told us this.

(via grenadewithcurls)

where are the notes this is beautiful

the mobile version is amazing, click on it

This is amazing

(via jannaovalle)

(via 1800suckmypenis)

atlanticcoastprep:

Scott disick is my favorite kardashian

(via sarahjayneismyname)

bennyslegs:

when your friends are talking about stuff you don’t understand but you still want to be part of the conversation

image

(via sarahjayneismyname)

estebanwaseaten:

(via sarahjayneismyname)